Happy, sad, excited & worried

Hello again..

It's been 3 years since my last post, just wow how these 3 years been.

With just a blink of an eye there's so much things going on, I've seen so many things, experience so many first. However with ups comes downs as well although I manage to cope with all of it so far.

Now the biggest news ever, this bring everything to a whole new level. Last week, I accompany my wife for a checkup because she missed her period for 3 months. This isn't our first check up, we went there a month back but the doctor said nothing when he scanned her stomach. But last week we decided to check again because my wife is worry, and then the BIGGEST news happen! We saw a tiny 'person' during the scan!!! YES, she is pregnant!!! I am going to be a father!!! Words can never describe how I felt when I saw the scan, I literally almost burst into tears.

Now comes the bad part, no don't get me wrong I wanted to be a father. All the while I've always thought I'm prepare for parenthood but when I got the news, I went into a stage of confusion and worry. How am I going to be a role model to my child? Can I provide enough for my child? Will my child like me? You see, I've always acted like I'm ready to have a kid, and complaining on how others guided their kids but trust me when it's your turn to be a father, all this confidence just melted.

Selfish as it may sound, I'm started to missed the time me & my wife sweet time together. Ever since she felt she missed her period and suspect she is pregnant, our relationship started to slowly drift apart. No, it's not like we don't love each other, it's just the feeling is different now. Maybe is the hormone changes due to pregnancy where her priority now is the child inside her tummy. Silly as it may sound but I might actually be jealous of the attention the child is getting @@

Anyhow, LP journey teaches me a lot of things one main thing is BE who you are at all time and things will be ok. BE the small kid inside me! I AM A LOVING, CARING & RESPONSIBLE MAN! and I will be loving, caring and responsible for my future child and wife.

Too bad that you can't talk back to me, but I am glad, glad that I am able to just voice out all of these. My new journey has just started & it's getting more and more interesting and more challenging. I can't sweep off this feeling of happy, sad, excitement & worry like nothing, I know this is a challenge I must overcome.