Thoughts

Wow, it's been like ages since i last talk to you. It seems when nobody actually cared to listen to what im saying, at least i got you, you just keep quiet and allow me to express.

Well so far things isn't being going very well, I'm very stress with life. Although i brag that i've finish LP journey i still find it very hard to cope with real life journey, its a very hard road to go through. At times i really wish to end everything and RIP :(

It's wrong to think like that i know, but at times i just can't help it. Not only im fighting with myself to do better but i am fighting to maintain the relationship with someone i hold dear.

Does anyone ever listen that I'm very very very tired and stress? Now, because of that I've hurt someone i love a lot. :( I am sad, very sad right now the feeling is like i've commited a very big sin.

Life, sometimes I know life is tough and people keep saying once we gone through the toughness in life we will be enjoying life. I wonder when will it happen for me? Do i really have happiness? So far, what happen to me is all the hard road is this going to continue? I've tried so many things to find happiness and failed so many times as well, when will it end?

Money? I tried to do photography but end up i can't make it grow, now i'm forcing myself to do MLM, still all i got is rejection after rejection after rejection from friends and also love ones. I'm tired :(

Today/Yesterday i really committed the biggest mistake in my whole 28 years living, which is forgetting her birthday. I really don't know what has happen to me that i can forget it. And all i could say is i'm sorry :( . This got me thinking... am i really the 1 for her? Do she deserve better that someone like me? When she mention the people that remembers her birthday, it really got me thinking how useless I am. It's such a simple thing and i can forget it, i really feels like banging my head straight to the wall and let it bleed :(

I think this is what happen to long distance relationship. Feelings will be put to the test and if you can't pull through then thats the end. It really scares me when i thought of this, will i forget again? if yes then will it be the end? i really don't want i really don't want i really don't want!

I really can't think how should i continue to write, too many things has gotten my mind crowded. I think i should just stop here.